


Hope....that which dies last.

by theRougeChevalier



Series: 25 days of Christmas [6]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Birth of a bromance, Drunkness, F/M, Hope, M/M, Unrequited Love, Yuletide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-22
Updated: 2015-12-22
Packaged: 2018-05-08 08:34:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5490701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theRougeChevalier/pseuds/theRougeChevalier
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Number 6 in my 25 days of Christmas short writing challenge!  </p>
<p>6. Hope </p>
<p>Yule can be a difficult time for the lovelorn, emotions run wild, will two knights with similar troubles in love be able to find peace together?  There is every reason to hope.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hope....that which dies last.

**Author's Note:**

> Tis the season for Hope! Blessed Yule everyone! Enjoy!

6\. Hope 

The candles were burning low in the banquet hall and the fire in the great hearth was starting to dwindle to embers, but the Yule festivities and revelry were still going strong in the castle, and no doubt throughout Camelot. 

With Arthur as King the people had much to be thankful for. Lancelot looked across the room to where Arthur stood chatting with a few nobles with Gwen by his side. Both were laughing merrily and Lancelot was acutely reminded of all of Gwen’s graces. As if being reminded of her beauty every waking moment of the day wasn’t enough. But such was his burden, to love a queen from afar. He was content that she was happy and that would have to be enough, she was too good and he too noble to try to have anything, but respect and friendship for her. Besides Arthur was his King and his friend as well, he would never dare dream of cuckolding him. But that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt at all to see them both so happy and he alone at the celebration. 

He was not allowed to wallow in self-pity for very long as Merlin appeared at his elbow. “Lancelot? Have you seen Gwaine by chance?” 

“Not for at least an hour?” Lancelot answered thinking to when he’d last seen the drunken knight. He had been guffawing at some joke Percival had made and he had fallen backwards out of his chair meaning he was likely well and truly drunk. 

“Me neither, I’m starting to worry. Could you maybe take a look around for him, just to make sure he hasn’t passed out in his own vomit or met some other grisly fate?” Merlin said with a small smile and a quirked eyebrow which Lancelot returned, they were both well aware of the trouble Gwaine could get into, but they also knew he could hold his drink, so really this was all just courtesy on Merlin’s part. But he would have done the same for any of them, he was a great friend. 

“Sure Merlin.” Lancelot answered sketching a slight bow which Merlin waved off. Lancelot was one of the few people who knew what Merlin really was, something he still felt privileged about, and often showed little gestures of respect of Merlin’s great abilities. Not only was he magic, but he had a way with Arthur, a way that anyone who knew him would tell you was the reason Arthur was the King he was today, better than his father; kind, wise, good, and just. 

Lancelot pulled his cloak tightly around him as he left the banquet hall and marched out into the corridor when he reached the end he inquired of the guard if he had seen Sir Gwaine. The guard gave him a vague direction and so Lancelot went off in search of Camelot’s wayward knight. 

After searching with no luck for a little while he decided to check the upper parapets. It was bitterly cold, but he knew from experience these were some of the best places to think. 

Sure enough in the middle upmost parapet of the South Wall sat Gwaine, a carafe in hand wrapped in his cloak with cheeks red from alcohol and cold. 

Lancelot should have known better than to think he could sneak up on Gwaine even when he was drunk. 

“Hey! Lancelot!” He greeted with a slur and his trademark grin. 

“Come to join me at last.” He saluted the knight with a drink from the carafe in his lap. 

Lancelot laughed as Gwaine swallowed his drink and held the carafe out, beckoning him to drink. 

As it was so cold, Lancelot had no objection to a drink to warm him and a break from his own emotional turmoil back in the great hall. 

He slide down the wall to crouch beside Gwaine and took a swallow from the jug. 

He passed it back to Gwaine. 

“Merlin send you?” Gwaine asked taking another draught. 

“Yes, he was worried about you.” 

Gwaine laughed and leaned his head back to rest on the wall. “Good old Merlin, always worrying about everyone.” 

“He is a good man and a great friend.” Lance responded thinking about their friend and the secret burden he carried. 

“The very best!” Gwaine agreed enthusiastically. “Especially to the King…” He added in a whisper before trailing off and taking another drink before passing it back to Lance. 

As Lance was drinking Gwaine spoke again, “But you know what that’s like.” Lance fought to finish his swallow and pulled back to wipe at the dribble on his chin as he looked at Gwaine in confusion. “About what?” He asked. 

“About the King getting all of someone’s attention.” 

Lancelot started to have an inkling of where this conversation was going and he didn’t like it. “Well he is the King.” 

Gwaine laughed. “And a good one at that. You don’t find many like that these days.” He observed before taking another deep gulp of the wine. He stopped abruptly and pulled back from the jug.   
“And that’s what’s so backwards about this is that, even though he has stolen the hearts of those we love, he still inspires us to such lengths of loyalty that we will swear ourselves to him and fight for him whenever he calls us to arms.” With a shake of his head Gwaine chuckles and laughs dryly. “That’s really something isn’t it? Straight out of some fairytale that is.” He said while taking another sip. 

Lancelot felt a tingle down his spine at Gwaine’s words, and it wasn’t the cold. It was the truth of what Gwaine said settling over him, deep in his bones he knew his love for Gwen was pure and true, but his loyalty to Arthur was absolute and something about that seemed both right, and yet at the same time unnatural. Needless to say his life was complicated, but he didn’t really wish to open that wound.   
“What do you mean?” He asked, purposefully being obtuse. 

Gwaine snorted. “You know exactly what I mean. You can’t hide it from me. We are two of the same you and I.” 

“Knights of the Round Table?” 

“No, fools in love.” 

For one moment Lancelot thought Gwaine was confessing to being in love with Guinevere, the tensing of his face and hands gave him away though and Gwaine waved the carafe as though to wave his worries away. “Your soulmate is married to the King, and mine is happily at his beck and call. What a pair we make huh?” 

Suddenly it all became clear. “You’re in love with, Merlin?” 

Gwaine was quiet for a few moment and wouldn’t look at Lancelot. Which was really all the answer he needed. To say he was shocked was an understatement, he never would have expected Gwaine to feel that way about Merlin. They were the best of friends for certain, but he had never imagined the boisterous knight with the shy servant boy, but stranger things had happened. He had even seen a few of them. But he also knew Gwaine was right and that Merlin’s life, his magic, and his loyalty were dedicated to Arthur so completely that even if Gwaine confessed his love, Merlin would have to reject it, even if he felt the same. 

“Yes, I do.” Gwaine answered simply. He lifted the jug as if to take another drink, but stopped midway to his mouth and set the jug aside. “How do you deal with it? How can you take seeing her every day and knowing she can never be yours?” 

Lancelot’s heart twinged at Gwaine’s words, for they were the truth, the truth that haunted his every day, the reason he was out here in the cold right now. He hadn’t wanted to share, but after hearing of Gwaine’s own plight he wanted to say something to encourage the man. 

“I won’t lie to you. It’s not easy. But I remind myself whenever I feel the ache that at least I can see that she is happy and that is all I want for her. If she is happy then my pain is lessened. And I know she still cares for me, but not in the same way she once did. Being her friend and ensuring her happiness has to be enough.” 

“But what about your happiness?” Gwaine asked. 

Lancelot was taken back by the question, “I’m as happy as I’ve ever been as a knight of Camelot serving Arthur. Just because Gwen and I can’t be together doesn’t make my life a misery. I’ve known far worse things in life than the pain of unrequited love.” Somehow saying this aloud did make Lancelot feel a little stronger and a little better, lessening his pain. If only he could also lessen Gwaine’s now that he knew what was wrong he could read the sorrow in Gwaine’s features and in his actions. “Haven’t you?” 

Gwaine looked up at him, his eyes looked haunted for a moment then a fierce look of determination overtook his face before he once again took on the posture of a relaxed drunk leaning back against the parapet wall. “I suppose you’re right. Camelot’s not so bad. Good wine, can always get something hot to eat, and great friends.” He nudged Lancelot’s shoulder at the last and let himself lean against him.   
“Thanks Lancelot, I knew out of everyone you would understand.” 

Lancelot smiled down at the curly head on his shoulder knowing he would have to move him soon before he fell asleep and they risk freezing to death. “We’ll just have to help each other won’t we?” 

Gwaine hummed an affirmative, and Lancelot began to rise to his feet, “Come on now. Time to get you to bed, we wouldn’t want you to freeze to death.” 

Gwaine hummed again, drowsiness beginning to overtake him. “No, no, freezing would be bad.” 

Lancelot struggled to get Gwaine to his feet and began to half guide half carry him back down the stairs and through the corridors of the castle to his rooms. Lancelot opened the door and hefted Gwaine at last onto his bed before kneeling to help him remove his boots. Gwaine had been unusually quiet as they stumbled down from the parapet and now Lancelot could feel his intense stare on the back of his neck. Once finished with his task he looked up to meet that stare. 

“Do you think, do you think? Do you think that even though we can’t have true love, there is hope for something else?” Gwaine finally asked after the long silence his eyes boring into Lancelot’s. 

Those words seemed to carry an extra weight to them as he spoke and Lancelot felt the air shift with the portents of them and he found himself looking at Gwaine in a whole new way. Gwaine was a comrade, a friend, but for the first time Lancelot wondered if maybe he could be more? If maybe they could mend the broken parts of one another, and forge a strength from them? He still loved Gwen and always would, and maybe he and Gwaine would never have that kind of love, but they already shared bonds; brotherhood, heartbreak, perhaps they could form another.

He took Gwaine’s hand and squeezed it lightly in his. “There is every reason to hope.”

**Author's Note:**

> Again thank you all for your patience sorry again for the slow updates, it will be even slower the rest of this week as I am headed home for the holidays without my laptop as it is acting wonky and I don't know how much posting I'll get to do if any, but if not consider the next one a belated Christmas gift! Thanks all for your kudos! I appreciate it! Blessed Yule and Merry Christmas if I don't post again before then. 
> 
> Next two installments will bet GOT shorts! Hooray!


End file.
